Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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