Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
