So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
