Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize