I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
