OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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