I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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