hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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