yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
