he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
