We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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