you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
