Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
