then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
