The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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