Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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