i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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