i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
