I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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