Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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