I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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