So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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