My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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