Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
