So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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