he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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