Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
