If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
