Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
