Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
