My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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