i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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