is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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