There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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