She said her name was "party"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
