its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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