dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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