i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
