Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
