I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
