why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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