You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You smell like stripper and shame
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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