your parents love me but you hate me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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