You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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