Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
