Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
