About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
