that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
