have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
