I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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