how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
