you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
