I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
