dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
