My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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