i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
