So drunk its hurt
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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