i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
