I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
