i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I party with great urgency now.
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