the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
