apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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