it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize