ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
