as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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