I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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